Understanding the Importance of Children's Emotional Needs
|Understanding the Importance of Children's Emotional Needs|
In the previous section we have learned that children and adolescents are more controlled by their emotions rather than rational and logical thinking. Emotions may explain why children and young people behave that way, including self-destructive behavior. So if we want to motivate them, we should first understand the emotions that control them and use them to guide the behavior and thinking are more deceptive.
Here is the third child's emotional needs:
1. The need to feel SAFE
One of the strongest requirements needed soerang child is feeling safe. Secure in themselves and their environment. Adolescents to seek security by joining a group of "gang" or group of their peers, engage social rules among them, and imitate his behavior.
A psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book "the five love languages" says we all have a psychological love tank to be filled, more precisely if the child then the parents should fill. Children who love tank is full then he would like to himself, quiet and feels safe. This can be interpreted as a happy child and has the "inner" motivation.
Do we need to learn and know the love tank? Very necessary, I often recommend the teachers and parents to learn and discover their child's love language, she and her partner. This I will discuss in the next article).
Example, motivated by love for his child a mother scolding her child who was playing computer. "Maen computer and learn to stop now," then what is the minds of children? Perhaps "... Mother Hmpf not love me, and I want to control and preoccupation" Well, son take it as negative, which destroys the love of communication is usually at the root of the problems parents and children, and teachers.
"Loving a child is not the same as the child feel loved"
What causes the need for security is not met?
• Comparing children with relatives or others
When we say "why can not you keep the room clean like your sister", "why you can not write as neat as Rudi". Will grow up feeling rejected, not accepted, they will think "daddy / mommy is more like ..." this is not like the growing attitude of himself and wanted to be someone else. They feel safe with another person, not to feel safe and comfortable being herself.
• criticize and find fault
When we say: "you little fool, what is wrong with you? Why you can not do anything right? "
Can be ascertained, will cause feelings of resentment, no sense of security environment of the home (if this happens a lot at home).
• Physical violence and verbal
I think not to say, this is already a lot of us met in the newspapers and television news, and the danger or the consequences are also often encountered in the media. If there is no safety in the home, then a child will seek shelter to meet their security in all the wrong places. And the child will do anything to get a sense of security, looking for attention the wrong way.
2. The need for recognition (feel important) and be accepted or loved
Rarely do parents make their children feel important and recognized at home. Instead many parents make their children feel small and insignificant with the threat: "better to do your homework now, or ..."
What I had in mind a child if treated like that? Our parents would be pleased if our children do the command, but that there is a child dipikiran they feel lost by doing what they're told their parents that way. So many children who delayed or did not do what is assigned to a parent (even though the threat) to meet the emotional needs for recognition.
A stern warning to parents: If your children do not feel loved and accepted by the parents, they will be encouraged to look for it in all the wrong places.
A child's desire to be recognized and to be loved is so strong, so that they will do anything to get it. If they do not get the recognition it the right way then it will find the wrong way and the wrong place. This requirement encourages some children and teenagers to use a tattoo, disturbing other kids, join a gang nuisance, dyed hair with striking colors, to act like a clown and a comedian. It is generally troublesome on their own, but to get recognition and receive (get attention).
There is an extreme case on 16 April 2007, a U.S. student Virginia Tech, Cho Seng-hui. Shot and killed 32 students. What drives behavior, so he did something so amazing crazy? He did only because of the need of recognition and a sense of importance so great, but not met by those who ignored and insulted. That forced him out of the realm of logic and claimed the lives of others and himself, in his mind he thought it was better to die with a bad name rather than to live as a nobody.
3. The need to control (or the desire to feel self-control)
As the growth of children, while search for identity and independence while learning to build from the parent. This process creates an emotional need to be free and independent.
So that's why kids do not want to be dictated to what to do. They feel no "slang" to listen to parents. By listening to the advice of their parents as if treated like a child. This explains why the children listen to their friends and om or aunt (uncle or aunt) who was younger than his own parents.
Parents who are smart, will not give up for this. How to provide direction and to the child's parents want to hear? Use of communication that does not mean forcing a child to our counsel. Make it as if they learn and work hard for themselves not for us. they will be more excited and motivated that way. And most importantly, meet the child's love tank every day and make sure we are always full when the child woke up and before bed. That way the child knows who is most understanding and affection, and to whom he will come in time of need someone to listen, that we are parents.
Take advantage of this information, recognize the emotional needs of our children. Be sensitive to where when a child needs acceptance, the need to control things, as well as the need to secure. Use the right words to meet these needs, the following tips and how to meet a child's basic emotional needs:
1. Sense of security:
• Calm securely with your dear papa, mama will accompany you, hey ... will keep you here daddy dear
2. Sense of acceptance or a loved one:
• Make a habit of looking into the eyes when talking to children, make eye contact is a flat or "eye care"
• Tap the shoulder while speaking or any part of polite origin, to show that we are together and close to the child
• Try to parallel (parallel to the child stand or kneel)
• Say: whatever happens papa / mama still love you, you still champ papa / mama, papa's eyes / mama you're the most beautiful
3. The need to control:
• If possible, if you see your child need to do something yourself then please allow
• Actually it is a learning process for himself and will greatly benefit future adult
• Self-esteem of children will be higher, if we are diligent to give control to the child because the child feels able to perform activities without help (of course, safe activities at the discretion of parents)
• Take time for activities and provide control and watched with compassion, for example: children aged 2-3 years'm eating alone, going to school myself, and others
Understanding the Importance of Children's Emotional Needs
Education faces the Third World