The Best Way Understanding Children
|The Best Way Understanding Children|
Many parents and teachers who attended a seminar I said "Okay, you provide a technique to overcome the problem of children is very good. But, I'm not sure I can apply what you teach "and then asked me" What is this? "," First I do not like children, how to communicate on their next ". Obviously this is a problem, but still there is a way how to understand children's behavior. But the first patient because there are parts that you must understand first.
Many of the parents and teachers ask in their own minds:
Why is my child does not care about his future?
Why they do things that make no sense (teachers and parents)
Why not listen even though they have been reminded many times?
Why is my son lets himself be influenced by negative things from friends who are not useful?
Well, the main question: how to understand their behavior and thinking?
The answer is their EMOTIONS. Emotions are masters of logic to think they were children and adolescents. Adolescents and children are far more driven by their feelings rather than thoughts that are good for them. Knowing this, it is futile our efforts day of their lecture. Bombard their minds with positive advice, to make ourselves an impromptu in front of their motivators will not work. It makes the child grow "disgusted" with our behavior. comments or advice like: "You must study hard", "do not waste your time with the play continues," "keep the cleanliness in your room", unless we have first to recognize their feelings.
Under conditions of negative emotions that a child can not receive input and advice of the word even though that may change their behavior. Different results if we are able to understand and recognize their emotions first then they will open and listen to suggestions from our logical. Children and teens will do anything if it makes them feel good or bad in taste, or his heart.
Before proceeding further, we will learn together, how we react in the face of a problem child. Often if there are any problems then we head to mind there are generally three ways, namely:
1. Give advice, for example: "I was fighting with the Agus, the school", our response is generally "what are you doing this school is not the place to learn to be carpenters fight, only the criminals who solve problems in a fight"
2. Interrogate, for example: "I lost Hp in school" our response is generally "not sure you remove your own? Sure you do not forget, try to remember back "
3. Blame and accuse, for example: "Edo was punished for not doing homework" our response is generally "lazy child basis, starting today you have to be more disciplined and pay attention in school assignment."
After seeing the three examples above, there is no space even to acknowledge one's feelings or emotions of children, right? Often we are only providing input without going to hear what really happened (more precisely the sense of what is happening to our children). When a child is neglected their emotions will be more angry and resentful. During this time they are in a state of negative emotions, all the sayings on our good intentions will not be ignored, even going on "ignore".
The best way to understand our kids are, acknowledge their emotions (identify emotions) and give them the strength to find their own solutions to problems. The trick is:
1. Listen to them 100%, face-to-eye with a look flat or affection. (Pay attention and recognition)
Sometimes they need only be heard only, not the solution. Just give 100% attention we can surprise, children want to open and willing to share their thoughts and feelings. Just by saying "hmm .. okay, so yeah .. then .. "Though seemingly simple, honest it is difficult for us parents who are used to want to take the fast lane alias provide solutions and solve problems. When it does we do, children will be shut down and avoid talking to us. Children will only express honest thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged.
When we allow children to reveal emotions and thoughts freely (while we are there to give emotional support), we will see that they can find their own solutions to their problems. Other advantages of this approach is that children will develop the confidence to think for themselves and face the challenges - the challenges of life.
For example: "I was fighting with Agus, at school," our response "what happened? Your leg would hurt so yah .. oh, okay "
2. Recognize and portray emotion.
Necessary for us a moment to learn the meaning of emotions, because this is important for us to be able to reflect the child's emotions and understand exactly how they feel. With pin down their feelings, it is easy for them to open up and talk about their problems. These are emotions commonly experienced by humans.
Emotion and Meaning of the name of it:
Anger - Feeling the injustice
Guilt - we feel is unfair to others
Fear - anticipation because we expected something untoward could happen
Frustration - do something repeatedly and the results did not match expectations means we have to find another way
Disappointed - What does not come true
Grief - something perceived loss of valuable
Loneliness - The need for a meaningful relationship is not just friends
Pain is not able to - need to learn something because there is something that can not be done well
Boredom - The need to grow and get new challenges
Stress - Something that is too painful and should be stopped
Depression - Something that is too painful and should be stopped
Let us begin with the case, if your child comes to you and says "Johnny did not want to play ball with me" what's your answer? "Come play with papa / mama, maen each other yes or yes it is .. maen alone ". The third answer is the classic answer is fleeting, and is justified because it is often used. My question is what the emotion behind the words of the child? That's right! DISAPPOINTED, LONELINESS, well, if the response is so what? "Hmm .. boy you really want to maen as Joni yes "or" Hmm .. Well you are lonely, want to play it? "and wait for the response, usually a child will talk at length, then the solution should be left to the child, the way" and what could be Papa / Mama help for you? Want maen as Papa / Mama? Or any other ideas? "Let the child choose the best solution for him. Memorize the table above and use to communicate with children, understand the child experienced any case.
With children also understand the feelings and emotions let alone find a solution the problem then the child will feel understood and comfortable. And the growing sense of confidence in the environment that appreciates him. And the next will be easy for children to be open to parents, and mutual trust between parents and children will be well formed.
Until now, we have learned how to open a child and believe in us, right? Next how do I steer? The way that we hear and understand the feelings and emotions of children, and ask the best solution according to the child (if the child is able to think for a solution) ask "may I Papa / Mama ideas?" After the permission of the child then give feedback that you feel most efficacious. Sometimes the child's perspective is not the same as parents, we know if the children choose the solution that is less precise (by parents) with the values, norms prevailing in a social environment so we can be "escorted" easily because steps 1 and 2 are done. Obviously with a model of polite communication and respect for children.
Violence gate will open children's hearts when we accept and understand our children, and children will be invited in and visit us in the depths of her innermost being. Place that we can put messages, referrals and positive feedback for the good of the child's future.
I understand how this takes time, all the smart solutions to improve the quality of family takes time. There's his name "wait time" for a particular outcome. Dishes are tasty and healthy takes time and the kitchen, not a few seconds so. Well the quality of what we want for our families?
The Best Way Understanding Children
Education faces the Third World